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July 29, 2005
Jet lag
Jet lag invariably takes me to the psychological low point in the early nighttime of the second day. The worst I've had so far is stumbling through the Bay Area on foot in deep paranoia, a horrible place when you feel fragile. It's hard to believe so many people lived through LSD experiences in that environment when even jet lag nearly sends me hiding under the bed.
Yesterday after failing to get USB storage working, I tried to go to sleep, but could not. I started reading If on a winter's night a traveler, hoping that would help, but it was worse. Calvino was mocking me in every line.
I complained to Phil this morning about the censorship we practice from good manners, keeping our real opinions covered, partly out of the concern we'll be attacked for them, partly because we're too lazy to defend them. We accept nonsense silently, or even with a measure of complicity and consent. The condition is surely exacerbated during job interviews, guest visits, courting. Then we must live with our failure to speak our minds, like the liar who can no longer remember what tales he told.
Phil listened to my blabber and gently agreed, even offering an example of his own to corroborate my findings. Maybe he disagreed, I don't know.
By the time you're old enough to know what's going on, you're already straight jacketed in a context that's breeding it's own problems even before you add yours.
In a dream I met someone who was a mover and shaker. I'd asked, "What do you really want to preserve?" He replied, "Control." I woke out of that one shaking and gasping for breath.
Posted by Mark at July 29, 2005 01:12 PM
Comments
Hate to think that one of the sacrifices that you have to make to visit family is being suicidal during recuperation. Maybe we should hire a nanny for the first few days you return.
Mom
Posted by: Teena Tuenge at July 29, 2005 03:47 PM
It's much worse in California. Nathalie seems to be handling things very well at home while I'm at work. She's even sleeping okay.
Posted by: Mark at July 29, 2005 04:47 PM